The Definition of Down Time
Recently, one of our couples was upset because they were feeling overwhelmed by life and didn’t feel they were getting enough down time. The wife felt like her husband had plenty of down time as he is a sports fan and frequently sits down to watch a good game on TV, while she cooks and cares for their toddler.
He, on the other hand felt he had no down time as she and her mother (who lives with them), are milling about the room, chatting, and their toddler is running around making toddler noises.
Now, the husband felt like his wife got plenty of downtime and the wife felt her husband got plenty of down time, chatting with her Mom, but their definition of down time was different and that was the root of the issue.
What is considered down time is different for each person. Each partner has to define it for themselves, share that definition with their partner, and each negotiate their time.
For both of them, down time was sitting in a quiet room, just being away from people, so they negotiated that time for themselves and all was well.
Everyone needs down time and it is so much easier to engage with your partner when you have had that sacred time for yourself.
Are you ready to learn skills and tools that will help decrease the conflict, resentments, and work these issues out? Hire me as your coach! 818-232-3186 – or email me!